If You Hold My Hand
by SamishiiKaku
Summary: Matthew has some issues in his life, but doesn't know how to show it. His step-brother, Alfred, wants to help him. Not AmeCan. Will update often. Human names used. Cutting, a little blood.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: So, I'm back! Nobody reviewed my first fic yet. =Δ= I had a marvelous idea! This fic will be a little angsty, but I hope everyone will like it! Don't like angst? Don't read. Also, not for the weak hearted. Blood mentioned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

"Alfred-"

"I know, watch Mattie, keep him fed, blah blah," Alfred rolled his eyes. "Have fun! Bye!" He called as he forced his father and step-father out the door.

"Bye Dad. Bye Arthur." Mathew, Alfred's step-brother, waved from behind him.

"Goodbye Matthieu! Goodbye Alfred!" Matthew's father, Francis, waved before dragging Arthur, Alfred's father, off with him.

"Alfred, I'll be in my room, ok?"

"Yeah, tell me if you need anything," Alfred planted himself on the couch and decided to play his favorite game, 'How Little Movement Can I Do While Still Enjoying The Wii?'

Matthew nodded and whistled a French song up to his room.

Meanwhile...

"Francis, I'm worried," Arthur finally stopped pacing and sat next to his husband.

"About what, Mari?" (A/N: I am new at French, so please tell me if I mess up!)

"The boys."

"Oh... I am sure they're fine-"

"What if something happens?" Yes, Arthur seemed to be the mother of the family. "We won't be there to help them!"

"They'll call if something is wrong, oui?"

Arthur paused. "... Yes, I suppose you're right..."

"Tres bein, mari~" Francis kissed Arthur's cheek.

A/N: Oh, that was short... I will try to make the next chapter longer, but I will have you know that I am not good with promises. *sobs* Well, that first chapter was... Boring... I am not proud of it... Chapter 2 is already played out in my mind, so please remember that I will have that soon! Annnnnd I'm paranoid. Over and out, PEACE!

PS. My fave pairing is PruCan, so future chapters may have a little bit of that, but not much.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Waah! I have a follower! Thank you! Will you PM me so we can talk? And why don't I have any reviews?! I know it's boring now, but it gets better!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, but I do own the wicked tablet I write this on!

Matthew got up early Monday morning and started cooking more pancakes than a normal human could eat. Well, let's just say that Mattie could eat more than your average human.

Matthew took the two plates stacked with pancakes to the table.

"Alfred!"

"Coming!"

. . .

"Al-"

CRASH!

"A-Alfred?!" Matthew screamed, but his voice was so quiet, it was more like squeaked. "A-Are you ok...?"

Alfred, still dizzy, stood up from the bottom of the stairs. "Is that pancakes I smell?!"

"Y-yes, but-"

"YES!" Alfred ran to the kitchen.

"Uh, Alfred, are you sure you're fine?"

"I already said yes!"

"A-actually, you didn't-"

"Well now I did!"

Matthew paused for a second, then decided to let it slide. This wouldn't be the first time his step-brother got hurt but laughed it off.

"Where's the maple?" Alfred finished rumaging through the fridge.

"Uh, I think papa bought some a while ago..." Matthew's voice trailed off, as usual, as he looked through the cabinets. After the first few, he looked panicked. "No maple?!"

"Darn. I guess I'll buy some after school," Alfred started to eat his pancakes.

"I'm not too hungry anymore," Matthew pushed his plate away.

"Seriously?! Just because we're out of syrup?!"

"No, I just... don't feel so hungry, that's all," Matthew started to his room.

Once in his room, Matthew went to his closet.

The first day of school was a big deal- even if he already knew everybody. But maybe, he thought, this year, they would all finally see him, then he'd have alot of friends!

Matthew, after ten minutes, decided that he hated his wardrobe, but put on his favorite: a red hoodie with a maple leaf on it and blue jeans. (A/N: That's right, I dressed Canada!) He also found his dogtag necklace that had the Canadian flag on the back side, and a maple leaf on the front.

When he stepped into the hallway, he noticed that Alfred looked similar, but still different. Alfred wore a big green jacket, blue jeans, and a dogtag necklace that had the American flag on the back, and an eagle on the front.

"Ready to go?" Alfred held up Matthew's book bag.

Matthew happily took it. "Yes. Thanks."

They started out the front door, but Alfred stopped before he locked it.

"Mattie, wait here. I have to get something."

"The permission slip for that feild trip?"

"Yeah."

"You're actually going ro do that?"

"... Yeah." Alfred hung his head and went back insde while Matthew waited.

Not too long after, a hand was placed on Matthew's shoulder, making him squeal "Maple!"

"Good morning, da!"

'Oh no, not this guy...'

Matthew turned around to see his Russian classmate, Ivan.

"H-Hello I-Ivan..."

"Why don't we walk to school together, da?" (A/N: Sorry if I get Russia wrong!)

"A-actually, me and A-Alfred are taking the b-bus..."

"Then just ask to walk with a buddy!" Ivan put his arm over Matthew's shoulder then started walking.

"I-I should really ask Alfred first-"

"I'm sure your brother wouldn't mind!" Ivan kept walking, and it didn't look like he would stop anytime soon. Matthew decided to let him drag him off, afraid of what he could do if he tried to run or struggle.

'This isn't the kind of attention I want...' Matthew stared at the ground before glancing at Ivan.

Ivan was wearing his usual- jacket, jeans, crazy smile. What Matthew never understood was how Russia could wear a scarf year-long. It made sense in winter, but in summer? The guy never even broke a sweat in gym! Maybe that's why everybody wanted him on teams for P.E.-

"What are you thinkinhg about, da?" Ivan broke Matthew out of his thoughts.

"Oh, n-nothing..."

A few minutes passed, then Matthew felt his phone vibrating in his pocket.

Alfred.

"Bonjour-"

"MATTHEW BONNEFOY WHERE ARE YOU."

Matthew winced at the yelling. "I'm sorry, Al, but I'm walking to school with a friend today," Matthew waited to get yelled at again.

. . .

"Al?"

"I wish you would've atleast told me! I almost called the police!"

"Al-"

"Seriously! How can I be your hero and protect you when I don't know where you are?!"

"Al-"

"Francis and Arthur would've killed me-"

"ALFRED!"

That got him quiet.

Matthew cleared his throat. "I'm fine, just get to school, ok?"

"Fine," Alfred was undoubtedly pouting, "But find me at school, ok? And are you walking with that Ivan guy?"

Matthew was eternally grateful that his phone was as quiet as him, or else Ivan might have heard the string of curses that Alfred followed his name with.

"Yes, I am-" Then Matthew suddenly realised why Alfred was so mad.

Alfred and Ivan went out once.

ONCE.

Alfred avoided him since.

"I gotta go bro bye!" Matthew hung up before Alfred could protest.

A/N: PLEASE DO NOT HATE ME! I KNOW IT'S SLOW NOW BUT I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER! I am quite content with this chapter! Please review, and check out the other fics that I will hopefully have up soon! And sorry for grammer mistakes, and OOCness, but... Next chapter will be better! It picks up there! Also, any special pairs that you want? And none with Canada, America, France or Britain. Also, no crack (example: HungaryxSweden -_-...) And I will never abandon this story! Or any story! I just need motivation (dang my tablet hates that word). Ok, you would not believe how many times I spelt 'Alfred', 'Skfref'! I AM SO NOT PROUD OF THAT!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I've decided to put a new chapter up! Please review, and remember, it is very early here where I am. But if I don't do this tonight, I have to wait a whole ** hours! That means I'd have to update after school+chores. Δ Well, I'm homeschooled, so I'll try to keep up with my stories, k? (every kiss begns with k *troll*)

Disclaimer: I have recently sent an application to have Hetalia become mine! Then we fangirls maty have our yaoi... Muahaha... Lol, jk. I don't own Hetalia... or America's breast. *troll*

"Yo!" Alfred boomed as he burst into the bustling classroom. He didn't see Matthew and went to sot with his friends.

"Hello Alfred-san," Kiku was the first to notice him.

"Yo Kiku!"

"Mein gott, you're so loud!" Gilbert rubbed his head, but still smiled. Everyone knew he was joking.

"Dude, Gil, you're louder than me!" Alfred poked his chest. "What're ya doing over here anyway?"

"Just waiting for Antonio."

"He's always late on the first day."

"Nah, he made an awesome promise that he'd be here!"

"Dude's terrible at promises-"

Just then, the door busted open, and a rather small boy ran in.

"Go away! Don't touch me!" He kept going, throwing in curses, until everyone saw that Antonio was the one chasing him.

"Lovi~~!"

"Don't 'Lovi~~!' me! My name is Lovino! LO-VI-NO!" Whatever his name was, the Spainard had finally caught him.

Feliciano, Lovino's twin, came in with Ludwig, Gilbert's brother. Ludwig looked on the brink of insanity, but who else had enough training to know how to get Feli to shut up when enough was enough? Maybe Elizabeta would know...

"Speak of the freakin' devil!" Gilbert threw an arm over Antonio, who had finally let go of his precious 'Lovi'.

Lovino sat at a table with a boy who didn't talk much and was in the middle of a book.

"BREAST!" A too familiar voice screamed and Alfred found him covering himself. He was not going through that again.

But this time, the victim was a girl.

"AAAAAAH! CHISU! HE BAD-TOUCHED ME!"

The boy that Lovino was sitting with was immediately by her side and holding the attacker by his shirt collar.

"Don't. Touch. Her. She's. Mine." Chisu dropped him and took Suki, the poor girl, back to the table, almost like nothing happened.

"Yong, that was too far aru."

"Yes, Yong-san, I agree with Yao-san."

"Hmph," Yong pouted.

While all this was going on, poor Matthew was standing alone in the baxk of the room. Suddenly, an arm wrapped around his shoulder and pulled him back.

"Maple!" He whispered, then realised how similar this was to the morning. Was it Ivan?

"Maple? That is totally not an awesome curse," Matthew was releaved it wasn't Ivan, but... Wait, was his name again?

"Oh, hey, um...?"

"Gilbert f-ing Beildshmidt. Learn it."

"O-Ok."

"What are you doing all alone over here? Ivan's been waving for you for the past ten minutes!" Gilbert pointed somewhere in the crowd of teens.

"Has he? I didn't notice." Matthew made no effort to look.

Gilbert paused. "Hey, if he gives you any trouble, come find me, ok?"

"Wh-what? B-but I barely know you..."

"Yeah, but I know that Ivan can be a little... posessive. I've seen the way he looks at Ravis. It creeps even the awesome me out!"

"Um, ok-" Matthew saw Ivan making his way toward them. "Oh, he's coming over here."

"I'll stay with you-"

"Is that Elizabeta calling for you?"

"Lizzie!Bye birdie!" That got Gilbert to go.

Matthew waved unconciously, then his wrist was grabbed and he was dragged off to the lockers.

"Ah!" He squeeled as his back was pushed onto a locker.

"Sunflower~~"

"Mmm..." Matthew whimpered.

A/N: THERE! ARE YOU CONTENT?! I AM BLOODY TIRED!

I'm not mad or anything, that just... wow... 40 minutes for one chapter?! I usually write every chapter in one sitting... I hope that wasn't tooPruCan for anybody who doesn't like it! But I did warn, right? Also, Russia is NOT raping Canada- oh mein gott no! He's just a bit of a bully. ^,^;; If you have any suggestions, review! Or PM me, if you have the time!


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Long time no write! Hahaha!

You: Oh shut up already...

Me: FINE. So, sorry if you wanted Canada to get raped, but... I just couldn't... He might have gotten a little touched by Ivan... Does that count? Skip this chapter if you can't stand blood and cutting.

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. BTW, Chisu and Suki are my OCs. Sorry for forgetting that last time... They were not Hong Kong and Taiwan. Sorry for any confusion.

Warnings: Blood, cutting, slight RusCan.

"What's wrong?" Arthur rubbed his tired eyes.

"I..." Francis hesitated. He didn't want his husband to worry, but what choice did he have? He already woke Arthur up, and by glancing at the clock, he realised it was only two AM. "I have a really uneasy feeling..."

"Now who's worrying?" Arthur sat up to rub Francis's back. "You said yourself thay they would call if they need us, right? Don't make me doubt you," Arthur kissed his husband's cheek and laid back down before continuing, "They're at school having lunch right now, and neither of them are bullied at school. What could be wrong?"

Francis nodded in agreement before going into a uke-state and cuddling into Arthur.

Little did Arthur know...

"Hey, have you seen Matthew?"

Chisu glanced up from his book, then did a double take. Red eyes and white hair? That was new.

"No, I haven't," Chisu went back to his book.

"Oh. Suki?"

"No, I'm sorry. Ah, but I did hear he went home early!"

Matthew slammed the front door and ran crying to his room. Who cared if school wasn't out yet? It wasn't like anyone would notice he was gone- not even his brother. His brother was probably stuffing his face right now.

He ran to the bathroom and pulled off his hoodie. He cried harder at the mark on his neck, the one on his jaw line, and the one on his shoulder. The last two were from stuggling so much. He looked at his soar wrist- there was one there too.

He didn't care what they were from, he just wanted them gone. But, no matter how much he scrubbed at them, they wouldn't come off. Then, he got a crazy idea. An idea he shouldn't have. An idea he wished he hadn't gotten.

He pulled out some scissors from the bathroom drawer. He held the blade to his left wrist, but hesitated.

Did he really want to do this?

He let the blade cut him a little. He watched the blood run off his wrist and drip onto the white counter.

'Papa will kill me,' he thought, but continued anyway. He had cut an inch up his arm. Then another. Then another.

Three inches.

'I should stop.'

His brain said stop. So did his tears. All the blood dripping and staining did too. The pain in his arm screamed stop.

Four inches.

Then, a hand fell on his wrist, another on the scissors.

"Matthew Bonnefoy, what the bloody hell do you think you're doing?!"

He didn't bother to see who busted him. Instead, he stared at the blood, and felt the scissors being pryed from his hand. Cue Matthew's headache.

"Birdie!" A new voice. "You weren't at school, so I called your fathers- uh, Birdie?"

'When did I get on the floor? Papa, I'm scared...'

"Ma-ple..." The last thing before going black was Francis shaking his shoulders.

A/N: Wow, I can get pretty dramatic... Hope that wasn't too much, OK? REVIEW!

Preview of chapter 5: (each new quotation is someone else talking)

"I meant Matthew-san. He left early, and he's in the hospital now. I heard he cut himself."

"Why would you do this?!"

"I... I never meant to...!"

And a lot of tears.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I... I don't even... Ok, review and PM me! Also, do the poll on my profile. I think it's only open till chapter... 8. So hurry and vote! Also, your reviews make me so happy! I always go to work on a chapter after reading reviews!

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. And I don't cut myself.

"Alfred-san, did you hear?" Kiku sat next to Alfred.

"About Gilbert and Lizzie? Hell yeah! I've been waiting for them to hook up-"

"No," Kiku interupted him, "I meant Matthew-san. He left early, and he's in the hospital now. I heard he cut himself."

"What? Mattie? Nah, he would never do that! He's a total wimp, especially when it comes to blood!"

"Well, Alfred-san, your fathers sounded dead serious when Gilbert-san called them."

"Gil called them?"

"He said something about Matthew-san leaving early, so he was concerned," Elizabeta cut in. "Kiku, we were in the middle of a Yaoi meeting!"

"Oh, I am sorry. I'll see you later, Alfred-san.'

"Bye Kiku," Alfred waved as Lizzie and Kiku pulled out their cameras. "Mattie..."

* * *

"Ngh..."

"Oh, I think he's waking up-"

"Shut up, frog!"

"Don't tell me to shut up! And don't call me a frog!"

"I'll do what I want! This is your fault!"

"My fault?!"

"Yes! If you would have just let me stay home with him, this wouldn't have happened, idiot!"

Suddenly, a scream made them quit fighting.

"NO ALFRED DON'T DO IT!" They looked at Matthew, who finally opened his eyes. "Alfred! Where's Alfred?! I don't want him to die-"

"That was just a dream, mate," Arthur patted Matthew's head, but Matthew pushed his hand away.

"So he's not going to... And I didn't..."

"Non, mon cher, mais vous êtes à l'hôpital," Francis sat next to Matthew. {No, my dear, but you're in the hospital}

"L'hôpital? Comment?" {The hospital? How?}

"Vous ne vous souvenez? Regardez votre bras." {Don't you remember? Look at your arm.}

"My arm?" Matthew looked at the bandage on his arm and the IVs he hadn't noticed until just then. "What-" Then he remembered.

The scissors, the blood, the screaming... It all led to this?

"Wait, but Gilbert was there."

"He noticed that you skipped school and was worried. What were you doing skipping anyways?" Arthur crossed his arms.

"Now, now..." Francis pulled Arthur back into his chair. "I'm sure Mathieu is confused and has questions of his own-"

The door busted open.

"BIRDIE! " Matthew braced himself to get tackled, but instead only felt arms wrap around his shoulders. "How could you do this to yourself, Birdie?!"

"Let's go," Francis mouthed, and Arthur nodded.

"I-" Matthew flinched when Gilbert grabbed him by the shoulders.

"Your body is awesomely sacred! You could have died! Didn't I tell you to call me if something was wrong?!"

"Gilbert-"

"Mein Güte, Birdie, warum sollte man so etwas tun?" {My gosh, Birdie, why would you do something like this?!}

"Gilbert, I can't understand German!"

"Well I can't understand why you would do this!" Gilbert slammed his hand on the wall, making Matthew jump.

A tear ran down his cheek but he wiped it away hopefull before Gilbert saw.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. But, seriously, cutting yourself? Totally unawesome."

"I'm sorry, I was thinking on impulse... I... I never meant to...!"

Gilbert stared at Matthew for a minute before laughing. "Kesesese, that's alright. Alfred is on his way here. I'm getting out of here before he comes, ok Birdie?"

"I'll be fine alone for a minute."

"Good," Gilbert kissed Matthew's forehead and left.

"Wow, news got to him pretty fast..."

* * *

A/N: Oh, that took forever... A whole day!

And now, for us HREIta fans, Chibitalia, sixty-seven word, one-shot. (yes, I counted)

Chibitalia awkwardly picked at the bandage.

"Hey, quit that," Holy Roman Empire, who we shall call HRE, watched his crush.

"Quit what?"

"Quit picking at it. It will fall off,"

"Fall off?" Chibitalia looked at the bandage on his wrist, then back at HRE. "But, if it falls off, Holy Roman Empire will get me a new one, right?"

"Y-yeah..." Is what he said, but he thought, 'She trust me!'

A/N: Tell me if I should do more of these drabble/one-shot things. If you want more, they'll be on their own thing, not all on here. Review! Bye-bii!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I had major writer's block... and I had to read my first 5 chapters because I forgot where I left off. Sad, huh? Ok... Chapter 6. A little America and Japan, a little Prussia and Canada. Don't hate me...

Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia.

* * *

"Ow, Alfred, quit pulling me!"

Matthew had been through a lot lately. Bullying, cutting, yelling, crying, and eating Arthur's cooking. After he was released from the hospital, everyone kept a good eye on him.

Alfred would sleep in the same bed with him, Gilbert would take him around town, his papa would make pancakes with extra maple syrup for him, and his step-father took the night-shift to stay home with him.

He was going back to school tomorrow. He'd missed a week, and apparently he missed a lot.

His mornings were usually quiet, except that morning, when he spit out his milk at a certain American yelling, "No way! I'm so in!"

Thus, Alfred was anxious all day until he dragged Matthew out of the house.

"Alfred!"

"Yeah?"

"Ow!" Matthew pulled his arm.

"Oh, sorry bro!" Alfred loosened his grip a little. "I'm just so excited!"

"Can you at least tell me where we're going?" Matthew tried to be loud, but failed.

"Huh? I didn't tell you?"

"No, no you didn't."

"Oh, well- OH EM GEE, Kiku! Dude!" Alfred finally let go of Matthew's hand and ran off.

Matthew, after a minute of confusion, found him. "Al, what the-"

Alfred had his 'totally innocent' face on, but his arms didn't look like they could be pried off Kiku with the Jaws Of Life.

"Hey, Matt, you remember Kiku, right?"

"Yeah..." Matthew only spoke to him once or twice before, but he never forgot a face, even if they forgot him. Like Miguel, who constantly got mad at him, but it always ended by Miguel apologizing excessively and saying "I thought you were Alfred."

Alfred finally dropped Kiku but kept an arm on his shoulder. Kiku, although completely quiet, looked uncomfortable.

"Well, me and Kiku got paired for a school subject, and we've been hanging out since. He invited us to this festival."

Kiku waved awkwardly, as did Matthew.

"Yo!"

Everyone looked at Gilbert, Matthew getting glomped and noogied by him.

"Hey, let go!" Matthew, for the first time in a while, genuinly smiled and batted at Gilbert's arm.

Gilbert laughed his -erm- unique laugh, and let Matthew go. Then put his arm around Matthew's shoulders and coppied Alfred's pose.

"Yo, Al, Kiku. You two an item now or something?" Gilbert tilted his head and rubbed his chin.

"ええと、いや、いや. 私はただ..." Kiku went into speaking nervously in Japanese. (The translation for this is at the bottom. Keep reading.)

"Item?" Alfred stared at Gilbert, then pulled Kiku closer. "We totally kissed!"

Matthew gasped and let his jaw drop. "K-Kissed?!"

"Hm? Yeah," Alfred said nonchalantely before kissing Kiku's cheek.

Kiku pushed him away and blushed. "Please, not in pulic..."

"Kesesesese," Gilbert laughed. "You know how Kiku doesn't like to be touched. Even I think you're being too touchy-feely with him."

Alfred gave him a hard glare. "What about you? Your hands were all over my brother a minute ago. Aren't you dating Lizzie?"

Gilbert let go of Matthew and crossed his arms. "It's complicated."

"Roderich?"

"Shut up!"

"Why don't we just enjoy the festival?" Kiku looked a little nervous.

"Please," Matthew looked the same.

. . .

"Fine," both boys said.

* * *

A/N: Uggh... Leaving this here... I still have three other stories to finish... One for Kuroko no Basuke, another for Hetalia... Then there's my reall book I'm working on... Uggh, I'm so busy TT-TT Please review. I only update after at least one review!

And a little translation note... What Japan said up there roughly translates to "Um, no, no. I just..."

BUT I did it on Google Translate, so it doesn't say "Eto, iie, iie. Boku tada-", but instead uses "watashii" in place of "boku". They both mean "I", but "boku" is for males.

I wasn't sure whether I should write it in Hiragana or Romaji. I settled...

Please tell me how I can make this story better! And don't hesitate to tell me if I messed up some of my grammer! Part of being a writer is correcting everything! See you, AGAIN!


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